"We did it, I'm ashamed to say. I can prove it, too --
I have my backup, and I can get Jeanine to tell it, too." He drained his
beer. "That's my plan. Tomorrow. I'll tell Lil and her folks, Kim and
her people, the whole ad-hoc. A going-away present from a shitty
friend."
My throat was dry and tight. I drank more beer. "You knew all along," I
said. "You could have proved it at any time."
He nodded. "That's right."
"You let me. . ." I groped for the words. "You let me turn into. . ."
They wouldn't come.
"I did," he said.
All this time. Lil and he, standing on _my_ porch, telling me I needed
help. Doctor Pete, telling me I needed refresh from backup, me saying
no, no, no, not wanting to lose my last year with Dan.
"I've done some pretty shitty things in my day," he said. "This is the
absolute worst. You helped me and I betrayed you. I'm sure glad I don't
believe in God -- that'd make what I'm going to do even scarier."
Dan was going to kill himself in two days' time. My friend and my
murderer. "Dan," I croaked. I couldn't make any sense of my mind. Dan,
taking care of me, helping me, sticking up for me, carrying this
horrible shame with him all along.
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